like the weather today, sometimes we need to endure the harsh winters in order to enjoy the blessings of a beautiful spring that our lord brings us in his time.
is there an amen out there!
i love my job and the people i work with. i love that all my meals are programmed into a [subpar] computer program that is interfaced with all the patient information in the hospital making menu planning incredibly easy. i love that i can chat on the phone with patients and not have to endure the smell of yeast infections and portable commodes. i love that i can squeeze in exercise time by running around the kitchen in my wonderfully unfashionable orthopedic non-slip shoes. i love that my boss is hilariously into herself that i can get away with comments and jokes that would otherwise condemn me to unemployment checks. i love free food. i love snarky impatient nurses because i find them so easily soothed by free soda. it's a zoo at the hospital and i love it.
all except for my work schedule.
sure there are benefits to going in at noon such as setting my alarm clock for 11am. i can dawdle and nap and eat and nap again all before clocking in at work. grocery store, gas station and mall lines are significantly shorter at 10 in the morning. and of course, i get to host breakfast play dates with other night owls.
but sometimes things gets a little sad and i put on my crabby pants to facilitate in self-pitying mopefests. coming home late means i don't get to see people. birthday dinner? movie night? small group? fellowship? nunca. many nights i've walked home to my big giant house feeling defeated and forgotten - wondering if anyone would notice if i ceased to exist. darn you spiraling hormonal thoughts!!!
for two years i worked without benefits or vacation days. for two more years i worked with shifting, schizophrenic schedules. and for one year i felt like i lived in a cave. of course it wasn't all bad. for sure there's been compounding blessings and good times throughout. and despite minor and infrequent punches-in-the-stomach, god is good and life is good. but there have been times when i've found myself wedged in the corner of despair, wondering what good could possibly come out of this kind of schedule when my greatest struggle is loneliness and being forgotten. ummm god? what were you thinking?!
and so here i am, 5 years and many faith lessons later, i'm gonna start working mornings from now on. i'm sure a week into it i'll probably come back and post something about the hideousness of waking up at 4 in the morning. but until then, here's to mid afternoon naps, rush hour traffic and oh i don't know, some smidgen of a social life for this little homebody ;) i'm so excited!