Friday, August 31, 2012

in a world without sin

have you ever thought about how different things would be in a world without sin?  it occured to me today that if it were the case, there would be absolutely NO NEED for passwords.  for anything.  cuz i wouldn't have to worry about something - human or robot, trying to hack into any of my various accounts online or at work. 

in a world of honesty and complete trust, there'd be no reason why someone would want my address and the series of numbers separated by dashes that apparently determine the livelihood of my retirement.  in a perfect world, i wouldn't have to constantly retrieve forgotten passwords/usernames/security questions/security answers/identifying image!! and i also wouldn't have to routinely come up with new passwords to replace old expired ones.  there's only so many pokemon names after all..

siiigh.  until then, maybe i'll start going through jesus' lineage of something..  like Zerubbabel,136  hahahaa

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

the makings of a lady

i rarely get myself groomed for several reasons.  first and foremost is my cheap-O-ness.  this drives me to shady asian salons that charge less than 20 bucks but always leaves me with a lopsided head.  second, i'm one of those girls who no matter how frilly, straggly, or uneven the hair, i refuse to get it cut.  not sure why.. that's just how it is.  plus my hair is more often than not in a messy bun piled on top of my head so the natural state of the hair doesn't really matter.

until today.  recently because of various wedding festivities, many of my lady friends have expressed concern over the decency of their eyebrows - making appointments to control the fuzziness in time for the big event.  while i don't often like to have half my face ripped off, i thought i'd take inventory of my own and see what's up.  disastrous.  lady advice #246: do not let your eyebrows and hairline connect.  so while i was out buying groceries, i yelped "eyebrows" in my vicinity and was directed to hair plaza across the street from where i was parked at savemart.  i just spent 2 million dollars on gas at costco so this worked out really well.

turns out this establishment is owned by several indian ladies who specialize in threading.  my only experience with threading has been my sister practicing on me after picking up a few tricks on youtube.  i can't say i was too excited but i have heard people say threading is better than waxing or plucking so here goes.

first thing i notice - the lady gets right to business.  no time wasted buttering me up about how i look like a supermodel or movie star.  thanks.  cuz i know you be lyin'.  if i really looked like a model i'd be getting my hair done by some flamey italian dude in hollywood.  so anyways i lie down, hold my skin tight and away she goes.  on the pain level scale of  :D  :]  :)  :|  :/  :(  :O  this rated :|  not bad!  and then before she finished, she spent about 4 minutes massaging the furrow out of my brow.. :D  NICE touch.  

following eyebrow management, i decided to try my luck with hair.  it's probably been a year since i got a hair cut so i figured now would be a good time to follow up.  unlike the asian fare i normally encounter, she didn't ask me about my current relational situation, douse my head with products i can't afford, or let me walk out with a style i could never recreate at home.  success!

being a lady is tough work!  ..but at least it's not as difficult as asking one out ;)  

Sunday, August 19, 2012

happy things

originally the garland was gonna read something like "praise the Lord, jess is getting married".  but it got vetoed one, for being too long and two, maybe sending the wrong message of jess' ability to finally find a husband (which is definitely not the case).  so here it is:  JESS .heart. JOE  and they're getting married in less than a week!!

this little lady was the first person i met in acacia four some years ago and she's been such a blessing in my life since.  she's one of the most spiritually mature people i know and so caring and encouraging to me when i feel like eeyore or crabby-patties - with many conversations shared over coffee or sitting in my car in her lab's parking lot.  and seeing so many guests at her bridal shower was testament of her gigantour heart for loving and serving people.  dis girlz awesome.

love you jess!

this on the other hand, not so happy stuffs.  i found this sitting on a table downstairs for all to see.. but mainly me.  hahaa  these days i've been coming home way past curfew that's been set one of my housemates who's the self-declared house manager.  doubling as an insomniac, she's kicked out a few residents already for disturbing her sleep.  blehh  i feel like i might be next.  

the anger, malice and rage version of me would like to tell her to start popping pills and then set a jar of captured daddy-long-legs into her room. but then that'd be turning righteous anger into sin and i should know better.  so.. here's the deal.  if i get kicked out, anyone want to take me in?  i promise i won't release spiders on you..

Saturday, August 18, 2012

My tree

It occured to me tonight that I'd name my fake bamboo tree Jasper. If you know me, I'm highly unlikely to name inanimate objects. It doesn't make sense to me. People can have names, flying squirrels can have names.. but certainly not things like.. say a sock. (Stuffed animals being the exception because they come alive in my dreams). So I dunno what came over me but this felt right.

I can't say where the name came from as the only Jasper I know comes from the movie The Holiday. And even then, he plays a jerk which is upsetting given how cool my tree is. The movies so-so too. I used to place it among my top 10 selections but mostly I just like it cuz of the bomb soundtrack.

I'm also not even entirely sure that its a guy tree so if anyone knows the secret to identifying tree gender please let me know. Hopefully it doesn't require searching under the roots cuz those are firmly planted into a solid mass of plastic made to look like dirt.

Anyways, I just thought I'd introduce you all to my tree. Jasper, blog friends. Blog friends, Jasper. Great, we're all good here. Moving on!

..and my parents wonder why I'm still flying solo. Little do they know I spend my nights socializing and staging photoshoots with an artificial tree.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

wikiwikiwikiwiki uhh. yeahh.

i had one of those epiphanous ah-haa moments today while driving.  i'm really excited to share it with you all.  as many of you don't know, i love to sing.  in the car, in the bathroom, in the office, when i think no ones around, etc.  the problem is, i have the vocal range of a muffin.  if i were a muffin, that'd be quite alright.  in fact, i'd probably be a muffin star.  but as a normal human being, it's kinda inconvenient.  those heart-turning songs have a way of stretching those high notes into infinity.  trust me, no one needs to hear what that sounds like coming out of me.

the troubling thing is, because of my limited vocal range i'll never be able to fulfill my dreams of being an overnight sensation.  the day's of will never see the limelight of day and that realization made me really sad for about 2 minutes.  enter epiphany.  have you ever hear pitbull sing?!  how about B.o.B.??  or tedashii of the christian variety?!

nope!  they don't need to and for all i know, they probably have the vocal range of a muffin as well!  but they rap like no momma's binness - and that's where i think come in.  just gotta get the rhymes to come out nice and smooth and fast without choking on my own saliva.  this could work :D  i have high hopes.

Friday, August 10, 2012

orthopedic device or the next fad fashion statement

a month ago i went trampolining at sky high with a bunch of acacia people for anna's last hurrah in davis.  you know, they really aren't joking when they post signs in strategic locations all around the building in full view warning patrons not to try any tricks beyond their skill level.  of course, i'd go and try to do a flip like every other 11 year old present that evening =/

short story short, i torpedo-crashed on my neck/back and it hasn't been the same since.  people in my office who know about sports related injuries told me to wait 2 weeks and see if anythings changed.  i waited.  no change.  at one point i went and got my very first massage evuhh with my little brother but that proved completely futile as every part of my back is ticklish and i couldn't stand the lady all over me.  side note: omg the topic of massages truly deserves a blog post all to itself if i ever get around to it =/  my skull however, very much enjoys a head rub so that was cool.  since i'm scared of chiropractors, i've just endured the spazzoid discomfort, hoping that at some point an evasive little bubble in my back might just fizzle out kinda like the way knuckles pop.

a few days ago, i had the brilliant idea of getting myself a back brace to see if that'd fix anything.  ..actually the brilliant idea can in tow while i shortcut through the geriatric/orthopedic aisle at walmart.  go figure =/  anyways, i scanned the barcode, thanked amazon for a better price and here i am, back braced.  i thought i'd share my thoughts on this important milestone because this is what i do.

- wearing a back brace means i get fuller faster.  consequently, it also means i get hungry a lot.  it follows a bit of a vicious cycle.  i eat, i get full.  30 minutes later, i'm starving and eat but still can't manage to squeeze any more food into my stomach as it's backed up from the jejunum up.  compression has been great on my back but not so much the digestive tract.

- i had reconsidered getting a new bed (which i really should have done 5 years ago but whatevs)  every morning i wake up sore and unable to do 90° twists from side to side without making an awfully unattractive grimacing face.  good thing bunny doesn't judge and loves me all the same.  i was a little apprehensive about the quality of my sleeps wearing the back brace overnight, but i've since had no problems.

- under my work clothes, i feel like a big hefty home depot hunk ready to lift lumber and granite slabs and maneuver 20 ton palettes of steel beams on a forklift.  it's very empowering.

- sometimes when i'm walking around with my back all stiff and held in place i feel a sudden urge to do the robot dance.  especially when songs like super bass come on.  slight inconvenience when i'm trying to play it cool at work.  but again, whatevs. boom badoom boom boom badoom boom boom supah basss

- so this is what i feels like to wear a corset.  not bad.  if only it looked like a really awesome ball gown a la taylor swift's love story instead of black velcro, that'd seal the deal for me.  i can see why these were all the rage back in mozart time.  corsets have a way of, how should i put it, accentuating the loveliness that is exclusive to the ladies ;)

- the back support is formed by steel springs that conform to the curvature of my lower back.  aka bullet proof vest.  you just try and punch me in the back and we'll see who comes out victorious.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Staying put

Everyonce in awhile I get the urge to move.  Whether its because I want more space, a garage to house the dino, change of scenary or never having lived in the same place for more than 5 years at a time.. I always get a little restless and start refreshing Craigslist every couple minutes hoping for a listing that meets all my criteria for the perfect home.  Surprisingly, for Davis folks who read this, that trailer park on Olive behind Amtrak has surprisingly nice little homes!

This is also when i start thinking about the (+) and (-) of moving.  I've learned that in making lists, it's not about the ratio of pros to cons that determine the decision.  The numerical sum of rational justifications is generally outweighed by the importance of each individual item is.  That said, list making is not easy!  I sometimes wish magic 8-balls and origami fortune tellers never went out of style in middle school.  Could come in handy for a variety of situations if you know what i mean.

Ultimate decision: I think i'm gonna stay put for now.  Again.  Poor bunny's gonna keep getting chunkier for lack of room to run  =/  and maybe someday I'll have saved enough money to buy a trailer home and hang out in slatter's court.

Question:  Is it true that it's a misnomer that couples need their own time and consequently let go of friendly connections as a natural response to that?  Admittedly, I totally think this of coupley people I know.  ie. i'll never get to spend time with them anymore because they're otherwise occupied.  But I'm realizing that this is a misconception I (and many others too I think) have and unfortunately coupley's may suffer from reverse exclusivity because of it.  Huh!

Thursday, August 2, 2012

happy birthday charabear!