Wednesday, November 30, 2011


Today some hipsters are so hip they refuse to use the word self-referentially and believe that anyone who does so is, well, hip-o-critical.
bahahahaaa  nevermind then 

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

movie review: jane eyre (2011)

i picked up jane eyre from blockbuster express after work yesterday at safeway.  ahhhhh  it has set my heart aflutter!  i'm almost ready to put it among my list of favorite movies but i might have to watch it again to confirm.  but it's really good.  i'm not sure if i agree with the director's rendition of the story as it's not nearly as gothic and dark as the original book.  also, mr. rochester isn't nearly as fierce as i'd imagined.  but authenticity aside, i love the story :D  but to be sure, this is, in my opinion, the best adaptation of the book to date.

i think one of the biggest contributors to the greatness of a movie is the soundtrack.  this one was composed by non other than dario marianelli.  sounds familiar?  he created the music for pride and prejudice (2005), and who i'd compare to the likes of ennio morricone and hans zimmer.  swoooon.

now as soon as i finish writing my paper (yep, still writing), i'm gonna reread my 1943 copy of the book :D

Sunday, November 27, 2011

the kite runner

i bought a goldfish kite on a whim today.  i'm thinking it looks pretty sweet.  basically gonna be the coolest kite flyer ever when i bring this awesome punk out.  so here's hoping we get some of those crazy wind storms that pop by sacramento every year


side note, has anyone else been swept up into these time-sensitive online shopping websites like fab and huckberry and hautelook?  amidst gilt and groupon, a lot of these kinds of sites have popped up all over the place and it's not good for la cuenta bancaria  =/  ..although the other day i bought a groupon for 10 blockbuster dvd rentals for only $4.  wheeee  any movie recommendations?

Friday, November 25, 2011

Woman up: an intro

This only became clear to me today. Unfortunately its only taken 26 years of life to brig me this life-altering perspective shift. Oh well, better sooner than later. Lesson learned today:

Woman up.

We hear a lot of talk about guys needing to man up, wear the pants, go for the kill, etc.  Especially on the ladies' side of the spectrum it's always the dude that needs to take a lesson in manhood and ditch the drama queen. We never fail to pull put our list of "should-be's" and "should-do's", expecting nothing but perfection in attitude, action and words.

So woman up? There's a couple things that this does not mean.  This isn't about manning up like the dudes. Or berating ourselves for "womanly" tendencies. This is about bringing to the table the same expections rightful to a being a woman. Learning what it means to treat guys well. To have right attitudes and actions towards men (and the rest of the world for that matter) that are fit for a woman.

Too often I think I operate behind the facade of .Christianity. or the obvious stereotype of a female ie. Hyper-emotional, mopey, pseudo-consoling, queen of excessive use of words, among many others. But in the end, not only are my actions detrimental to myself but more often the receiving party on the other end.

There are some things that I've come to understand regarding this matter and much more that I'm needing to learn. I think I'm gonna try and share those with dear blog here as they come so stay tuned. Any thoughts are welcome :)

Up there is a picture of my niece. She's just a baby so thus entitled to being nothing but an exquisitely cute one.  As for me, I gotta learn to take womanly matters into my own hands more seriously.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

how to be hipster.

so apparently this is what being hipster means.  behhh

i get that style isn't something you can force.  otherwise you get called a poser and that's not really what i'm going for.  but.. but..  i really wanna be hipster!!  and ride a fixie bike (i blame my brother for breaking his promise of getting me one).  i like vintage stuff.. i drink tea with milk.. my brain is addicted to coffee.. i like skinny jeans..  although as much as i've wanted hipster glasses, i tried some on at costco the other day and looked ridiculous. ok for the record, i think smoking is gross so that's not something i'd venture into. 

this post really has no substantial content.  i'm just ranting because i want to be hipster. 

happy thanksgiving everyone!

Sunday, November 20, 2011

stupid chair.

(btw, chair represented is not the chair i refer o in this post)

I finally figured out why I’m having such a hard time focusing on writing my thesis!  and interestingly enough, it has nothing to do with the world wide web.  for awhile I thought I was battling my addiction to facebook and my google reader, chock full o’ pretty blogs..  I mean, that’s not to say that I don’t still check my feeder every 3 minutes..  but the point is, the internet is not the main culprit here.  whew!

this chair that I’ve been sitting in for the last 3 years is to blame.  I’ve always known it to be excruciatingly uncomfortable but it never came to my attention that it would actually hinder my productivity.  of course on a normal day, high productivity is defined by the number of blogs I’ve starred or images I’ve pinned or episodes I’ve covered in one sitting.  all such activities done with the slight bit of guilt that I’m not wholly spending my time wisely – so the notion of an uncomfortable chair really only alleviates the remorse I feel.  knowing that I’m .suffering. through my actions eases the conscience.

not so when I’m trying to write a paper.  let me give you a little anatomy of the chair.  the honker weighs about 50 pounds and must be made of some prehistoric petrified wood.  its rigidity is fierce enough to punch back every time I sit down.  there are slopes and valleys in the chair that mimic a feeble effort to contour against one’s body, but in reality they’re just deceiving lies of a great seating experience up ahead.  all lies.  furthermore, the behemoth of a chair is so heavy that i cannot just scooch in and out of my desk without eliciting another bruise to my left knee.  so most of the time, i sit on my knees or cross-legged, hovering over my 10-inch netbook, feverishly typing away before getting up again to relieve my legs of numbness.

obviously a devil chair like this does not have the capacity to swivel.  let me just say, swivel chairs are by far the most intellectually stimulating contraptions.  everyone knows that a stagnant mind is of no use to anyone.  but, take a stagnant mind and put it on top of a swivel chair and you are creating kinetic activity both internally and externally.  pure genius.

anyways, this is why writing has been such an uphill battle these last few days.  i've since switched it out for an equally primeval cousin of the chair but hopefully this one will promote greater productivity than its predecessor.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Is retail therapy wrong?

What sounds better?

a.) Staring into pages and pages of tables and chi-square analysis that you can't decipher.. typing away at a paper that seems to have no end in sight.. trying to format sentences in active voice, using little to no modifying adjectives.. unfortunately research papers frown upon data analysis that is summarized in a single statement, "meh".

b.) Trying on new shoes?!?!?!

I choose B!!

Grad school has not disciplined me to become a more intellectual, critical thinking individual. 

But check out my new acquisition!!  Missoni heels!  A little research (ha  this kinda research I enjoy) revealed  that Missoni is pretty snazzy and their stuff sells for millions.  K, not millions but maybe a couple hundred.  Thankfully, for people like me who care for neither snazz nor brand, there's Target.  :D  And sometimes we get lucky when snazzy designers are sympathetic and share their work with the almighty Tar-zhay for a fraction of the price.  (And then there's me, who roams the clearance aisle for leftover pseudo-designer treasures!)  woohooo  Another addition to my collection of black heels that have yet to see the light of day!

This late purchase of mine has gotten me curious though.  I'm well aware of come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Praise God for giving us his son so that we can lay our burdens at the cross.  And I wonder how others who do not yet acknowledge Christ as their maker, deal with life-happenings.  It seems like living would feel so futile not being able to give credit for the blessings in life as well as find strength in the blessings-that-you-haven't-yet-discovered-to-be-blessings.

But even then, sometimes I feel like annoying perturbations call for some sort of physical manifestation in order for us to relieve the burden.  ie. punch a wall, talk it out, get a massage, consume ice cream, etc.  In my case, go buy something awesome.  (aiyah, sometimes I feel like I share too much of my junk on here).  Could it be that these instances of "acting out" are reflective of my inability to fully and completely find rest in Christ? Or that rather than submitting to Him, I knowingly take things into my own hands cuz it feels better.  (albeit, only temporarily).

Now that I'm completely on a roll in self-analyzing my hubristic tendencies..  I think it's also possible to have some sort of release of stress that is considered healthy.  That line would likely be determined by a combination of whether hurt is afflicted upon yourself or others as a result of however you choose to let your stress manifest, coupled with your willingness to submit your burdens to God.  Hurting yourself (including bank account) and stubbornness in finding freedom in Christ is probably not the way to go.

Pehh  it seems like I just analyzed my way into figuring out the solution to my issues  ;)  Next time I find myself in the aftermath of an awful day at work, I'll try to remember this..

I rarely get a comment on here but just in case you feel inclined to share..  in what ways do you deal with stress or frustrating situations?


interesting article here

Sunday, November 13, 2011

when psychological typology impedes upon grace

not being a trained therapist, i wouldn't know.  but i'm pretty sure my thoughts aren't suggestive of self-destruction or anything like that so don't start worrying.  i sometimes just get so tired of living the way i do - this constant battle of the mind, heart, and truth.  it's quite exhausting. 

it's kind of like the time i went ice skating with my roommates back in college around christmas time.  it wasn't my first time skating, but it was the first time i'd gone with a plan.  having grown up with michelle kwan and that skinny white girl whose name flees my mind at the moment, i knew exactly what i wanted to accomplish once we got to the rink.  i'd try a few double axels and maybe a couple of those spinny things where you spin in place forever.  i was sO excited to try out these moves.

we'd arrived at the K street skating rink in downtown sac, paid for our shoes and sat along the perimeter of the frozen oval under christmas light trellises and holiday music, lacing up our skates.  i remember thinking to myself, how hard could it be?  i'm pretty good at rollerblading so this should be cake.  unfortunately, as soon as we stepped onto the ice, my legs went awry, wobbling inside skates that fit as snuggly as an old man's dentures.  in less than 5 minutes, my level of anticipation and excitement took a nosedive into the cold cold ground.  my dreams had dashed away.  after about an hour of failed attempts, i got so frustrated that i was ready to leave asap.  not even the christmas music could keep me there.

i blame my INFP disposition for my propensity to dream high and wide.  it often gets me into trouble as i can't consciously rationalize the events surrounding me until it's too late - my mind being too high up in the clouds and my eyes too thickly glazed over with optimism of an alternate reality. 

scanning MBTI profiles, i always feel a little pride over the descriptions they label me.. creative, caring, peaceful, etc.  but i'd also be the first to tell you that it comes as a double-edged sword.  in a previous post, i quoted a fellow INFP who believes that despite her head-in-the-clouds trait, this is who god created her to be.  hmm  i struggle with this because sometimes i wish i were more level-headed.  that i weren't so dependent on other people's feelings or expect the same level of awesomeness in other people as i do myself.  (yeah, i really did just admit that =/ )  i battle with the consequences of my choices and end up feeling like a loser - frustrated with myself and the situations i find myself in.

over the last couple years, good counsel has helped me realize these things about myself and to better manage my tendencies.  but it still happens that when the fault of my personality type shows its ugly face, i feel sick all over again.  

for a long time, i'd look to paul for encouragement: 
now we know that if the earthly tent we line in is destroyed, we have a building from god, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands.  meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothes with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked.  for while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life.  now it is god who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.  1 corinthians 5

this morning, pastor gee talked about the sinful nature of man that came into being when adam and eve disobeyed god's one commandment in the garden.  it is because of the fall of man that we now deal with the consequences of sin today, in our every day life - even those intertwined within the web of our complex personality traits.  paul struggled with this as well.  i think he also found it to be very frustrating.  if only heaven would come sooner!  "i am torn between the two; i desire to depart and be with christ, which is better by far." phil 1  but until then, we gotta continue fighting.

i think this is where i got it all wrong.  i thought that wallowing in my own self-pity and finding companionship there with one of jesus' own apostles would be good enough.  and that it'd be okay to be a chronic mope-ster as long as i'd gotten verses to back me up. 

in pg's sermon outline this morning, point 3 states that god gave us the law to remind us how bad we are and how gracious god is.  this was kind of a light bulb for me.  so maybe in moping over my life and feeling sad about the sinful state of man, i'm really just not accepting god's grace, everything that he'd sacrificed through the cross.  for everything he's done for me, i've chosen not to accept it. and that's kinda lame of me.
what a wretched man i am!  who will rescue me from this body of death?  thanks be to god - through jesus christ our lord!  romans 7:24
a lifetime of sunday school and bible studies have taught me enough to know that god's redeeming blood covers all sins; not just the ones i think i can let him be responsible for.  this includes the all the weirdo-ness that stems from my personality.  

understanding all this is slightly comforting.  and ideally i could throw in my white flag right now and let him take on the battles from here on out.  but i never thought that god's grace is something that would be so hard for me to take.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

"i'm like a shark, i don't swim backwards."
~ Tom Haverford
Dept. Parks and Recreation
Pawnee, IN

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

just your regular old dreamer

I wonder if I'd be better off if I were a little more realistic, a little more practical.  I've tried to temper my idealism, I really have.  But I just can't shake my starry-eyed visions about life and everything it entails.  It's who I am, and I believe -- I don't say this lightly -- it's who I was made to be.
 ~Modern Mrs. Darcy