Thursday, July 4, 2013

Women's apparel 101

Major win today.

As I was frantically pulling things out of my closet looking for a suitable outfit for work this morning, I came across a pair of leggings I forgot I even had! 

(A quick warning to all guys, we girls may own upwards of 10 pairs of leggings of all sorts at any given time. Excessive? Yes. Absolutely essential? Yes. Room for argument or compromise? Absolutely no.)

So I found another pair of black leggings. Big whoop.  F a l s e.  What sets these ones apart from the rest is the breadth of elasticity in the waistline.  One huge caveat to wearing leggings is the tightness around the top.  Such tightness allows the apparel to stay up - not letting the material sag and bunch around the knees and ankles. However, the tight squeeze offers little room for your digestive organs to operate smoothly throughout the day. You will find, without fail, that by the end of the day you're suffering from mysterious stomach cramps that don't seem to be linked to food poisoning or dysentery. Culprit: tight leggings that pool all your stomach gases below the waistline.  Bleahhh discomfort.

(Again guys, do not let anyone fool you into thinking girls don't fart. That's very much a lie. The honest truth is we fart - but like unicorns, it's highly magical and if lucky, there may be sprinkles and glitter dust)

Back to today's find.. no gaseous pooling and all day comfort!  I'm so happy.  Unfortunately for you though, there will be no magical sparkles show ;)  at least there's fireworks tonight!

Happy fourth of July!