Friday, August 10, 2012

orthopedic device or the next fad fashion statement

a month ago i went trampolining at sky high with a bunch of acacia people for anna's last hurrah in davis.  you know, they really aren't joking when they post signs in strategic locations all around the building in full view warning patrons not to try any tricks beyond their skill level.  of course, i'd go and try to do a flip like every other 11 year old present that evening =/

short story short, i torpedo-crashed on my neck/back and it hasn't been the same since.  people in my office who know about sports related injuries told me to wait 2 weeks and see if anythings changed.  i waited.  no change.  at one point i went and got my very first massage evuhh with my little brother but that proved completely futile as every part of my back is ticklish and i couldn't stand the lady all over me.  side note: omg the topic of massages truly deserves a blog post all to itself if i ever get around to it =/  my skull however, very much enjoys a head rub so that was cool.  since i'm scared of chiropractors, i've just endured the spazzoid discomfort, hoping that at some point an evasive little bubble in my back might just fizzle out kinda like the way knuckles pop.

a few days ago, i had the brilliant idea of getting myself a back brace to see if that'd fix anything.  ..actually the brilliant idea can in tow while i shortcut through the geriatric/orthopedic aisle at walmart.  go figure =/  anyways, i scanned the barcode, thanked amazon for a better price and here i am, back braced.  i thought i'd share my thoughts on this important milestone because this is what i do.

- wearing a back brace means i get fuller faster.  consequently, it also means i get hungry a lot.  it follows a bit of a vicious cycle.  i eat, i get full.  30 minutes later, i'm starving and eat but still can't manage to squeeze any more food into my stomach as it's backed up from the jejunum up.  compression has been great on my back but not so much the digestive tract.

- i had reconsidered getting a new bed (which i really should have done 5 years ago but whatevs)  every morning i wake up sore and unable to do 90° twists from side to side without making an awfully unattractive grimacing face.  good thing bunny doesn't judge and loves me all the same.  i was a little apprehensive about the quality of my sleeps wearing the back brace overnight, but i've since had no problems.

- under my work clothes, i feel like a big hefty home depot hunk ready to lift lumber and granite slabs and maneuver 20 ton palettes of steel beams on a forklift.  it's very empowering.

- sometimes when i'm walking around with my back all stiff and held in place i feel a sudden urge to do the robot dance.  especially when songs like super bass come on.  slight inconvenience when i'm trying to play it cool at work.  but again, whatevs. boom badoom boom boom badoom boom boom supah basss

- so this is what i feels like to wear a corset.  not bad.  if only it looked like a really awesome ball gown a la taylor swift's love story instead of black velcro, that'd seal the deal for me.  i can see why these were all the rage back in mozart time.  corsets have a way of, how should i put it, accentuating the loveliness that is exclusive to the ladies ;)

- the back support is formed by steel springs that conform to the curvature of my lower back.  aka bullet proof vest.  you just try and punch me in the back and we'll see who comes out victorious.

1 comment:

  1. wow, i was almost convinced to buy myself a back brace even though i dont have a back injury!