Tuesday, January 19, 2010

am i living for me?

i still get a little nervous when i pull onto the on-ramp from 29th street to i-80 towards davis. within 500 feet, i need to dodge merging cars trying to get to the i-5 ramp on my right and move at least 4 lanes to the left to steer clear of traffic backup. typically, this is when i turn down my blasting music and switch on the a/c because as all my senses are focused on the road, my internal body temperature is rapidly rising.

this and my past driving record usually leads me to say a prayer that goes something like this: god, i pray that you protect me and my car on all four corners with your angels.. help me to see clearly and be calm.. also, please protect the other drivers on the road and bring us to our destination safely. and finally, don't let me run into the path of a crazy driver.

way more often than not, i arrive in one piece. praise god!


tonight as i was driving back from davis, while the rain was coming down especially hard, i started to speed up on the causeway since i could tell the headlights behind me were getting closer and closer. like butter, i quickly switched lanes to pass up the car in front of me and make room between me and those headlights. soon enough, i found myself cruising through the rain at nearly 75mph (windshield wipers going at full speed). almost instinctively, i ran a quick prayer through my mind that god protect my car and bring me home safely.

that's when i stopped.

at least, i stopped myself mid-prayer. how can i pray for safety when i am consciously driving like a madman in the rain? how can i expect god to protect me when i am clearly not doing anything to save myself?? or rely on god to keep my tires turning when i am voluntarily putting myself in a potentially bad situation? it just doesn't make any sense.

and so i pulled back on the gas and humbly let the other cars pass me by.

this has gotten me thinking..

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