I would rather..

even though I have assignments to turn in and a slew of other things to finish by the end of the quarter.. I'm compelled to do none of it. I'd rather drink green tea, listen to music and fold pretty squares of paper. all the while dreaming about what life would be like as Martha Stewart's intern.

also thinking about what my next blog post should be about. as of recent, I've been substituting semi-thought out pieces that reflect what I'm really thinking with interjections of random silliness. partly because some thoughts I feel might just be better living within the pages of my journal.. and partly because I don't feel like exerting brain power to put my thoughts into words. believe it or not, that is quite a task for me.

I've been having a dilemma over what to share over public access.. would this poor blog be the right platform to talk about things like how I really feel about life and friends and dating? what my biggest dreams in life are? ..and other such topics.. or should I just stick to describing the increasing bitterness of my green tea as I near the end of the cup. ..reminder not to leave the tea bag in there next time.

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i shouldnt've worn a sweater today

15 minutes of break.. aka breathing in delicious car exhaust, baking in the sun (isn't it mid-october?!), and watching squirrels race around the parking lot. today's a good day :)

kiwi mango smoothie

that is the most disgusting smoothie i've ever made.

but i drank it anyways because i didn't want to waste it.

ingredients:

2 fresh kiwis
3.6 oz mango sorbet
water

first, green and orange mixed together creates the color we commonly call "puce". otherwise known as barf. i drank it with a straw so i wouldn't have to look at it.

second, even though bath & body works might be able to pull off a kiwi mango lotion, taste is a whole different story.

so there you have it, the story of my smoothie. thank you for tuning in.

tralalalaaa

omgomgomgomgomgomgomg

that is what i feel like right now. interestingly, that's kind of how i feel after class every week. there is so much to do. very exciting stuff. and stuff that i can't wait to start. but when i think about it, i feel like i'm gonna bust out of my pants. days go by way too fast around here.

this could also very well be directly related to the grande iced coffee i downed throughout the course of my class time. myy ffingerss arrre shaaakinnggg. next time i'll try to remember to ask for decaf.


pretty sky. sometimes it's good to remember why i choose to make my life so crazy...

Praise Him under open skies
Everything breathing praising God
In the company of all who love the King
I will dance, I will sing
It could be heavenly
Turn the music loud, life my voice and shout

From where I am
From where I've been
He's been there with me
He's built a monument
His very people
So let his people
Sing, sing, sing

sandwiches and stairs

i just got chewed out by the hospital house supervisor. plllbbfffftttt what a way to end the last 20 minutes of an otherwise great day at work huh? siiigh. and get this!! the turbulent exchange was over a lack of sandwiches in the units overnight!!! mehh. i love my job and nothing makes me more happy than seeing patients eat well. but if you yell at me over sandwiches, i will be thinking in my head how awesome it would be to cure you into a processed piece of ham and vacuum-pak you between 2 slices of wonder bread. wait'll i tell my boss...

wow, someone needs anger management..

on a side note though, i did come to a personal discovery after all was said and done. ever take those personality tests or come across an interview question that asks whether you deal with stressful situations calmly? i used to always check yes by default. one, because that makes me look better (and my test results more satisfactory) and two, because i'm not commonly put in stressful situations enough to be able to judge my response thoroughly.

well, now i know.

i don't do well under stress. i'm not good at maintaining a cool, calm, collective composure. and i don't like to argue about sandwiches.

sumsing to work on i guess :/

tangentially, i also discovered that one particular stairwell in my hospital looks and smells like the stairway of my second preschool. for a couple months during my childhood my family moved to north carolina so my dad could be close to his sisters. while there, i was enrolled in a preschool where my class room was upstairs. every other day after the teacher made sure everyone had their own lunchbox (i was rocking a tin, blue carebear one with matching thermos) we'd climb the stairs up to a world where everything was new and exciting and completely in english. hahaa

now every time i take that particular stairwell up, the smell reminds me of drinking tropical island capri sun, learning how to balance a spoon on my nose, and stealing other people's tricycles because my dad accidentally ran over mine :D

it's funny to think back at 4 year old me. i had no idea what kind of person i would become 21 years later.. the things i'd laugh at, cry over, see... this could all get very psychoanalytical but i'm too tired to think so... i'm gonna go see if i can still balance a spoon on my nose...

i wanted to take a picture of the stairwell but my hospital doesn't really condone cellphone pics for hipaa reasons.. so here's a picture of my doorknob. i know. riveting.

not going anywhere

today i did the unthinkable. i threw out all my boxes.

before i continue, let me give you little history behind my boxes. i believe in keeping all original packaging. i attribute this habit to my asian upbringing. keep everything in case you want to return the item.. 5 years later. more than boxes, this includes manuels, styrofoam moldings, bubble wrap, cd-roms from electronics i've since discarded, etc. my parents were always very good at taking care of their possessions. this topic brings to mind the day my brother got in trouble for cutting off a flap of my dad's dvd box. hahaa poor kid.

i do want to assert that this does not make me a pack rat. silly as it seems, i keep these things because they will come in handy someday. there is a logical reason why i keep everything. one of the biggest reasons considers my nomadic tendency. ever since the freshman year, i've occupied 6 different addresses. sometimes by choice and sometimes by necessity, i've constantly been on the move. and when it comes time to uproot again, boxes of every shape and size become very useful.

thus, over the last 3 years, i've kept all my boxes in mint condition. carefully breaking them down, folding them up, and strategically placing them all over my 265 sq. ft. studio. you'd never know it if you came to my place.

so why the toss fest? i dunno what got over me. but i feel like starting over.. thin out my belongings.. change the layout of my room..

the biggest sentiment i felt was the thought that maybe without all these boxes i'd saved for moving, perhaps it may be a sign that i'm not going anywhere anytime soon.. it scares me to think that this (sacramento) is my home. what if there are more opportunities for me elsewhere? what if i want to live closer to my sister? what if i don't get into the school of my choice? hay mas preguntas que me pueden comprender.. i'm not saying i want to move right now, but it's almost like the loss of my boxes takes away the potential of picking up again.

i realize this may all be a hyperanalysis of a very simple task. and i also realize i can always get boxes for moving at work.

trust in the lord with all your heart
lean not on your own understanding
in all your ways acknowledge him
and he will make your path straight

just for good measure, i did save a few choice boxes :D

~~~~~~~~~~

my dad rates baby chara:

Rating for baby Chara:

not cute
slightly cute
somewhat cute
cute
very cute
super cute
super duper cute
x super totally fantabulously cute and the cutest ever

are dads even allowed to use the word fantabulous?!? lol..

class is in session.

my professor was talking about survey question formatting during class tonight when all of a sudden i pictured baby chara making her winky face whenever she's sprawled out on her changing table. omg so cute you don't even know. subsequently, for at least 3 minutes i had to try really hard to take deep deep breaths to suppress myself from laughing out loud. (and for at least 3 minutes i completely missed the section on how to code survey responses)

after i finally got my laughing muscles to calm down, it occurred to me that i'm not just laughing because chara is cute. i laugh because i love her and i love remembering how my sister takes care of her, and how much i love my sister.. and my brotherinlaw.. and on and on and on.. pretty soon, i was sitting back against my desk reveling beneath the fluorescent lights at all the things that cause my heart to love.

he will quiet you with his love. zephaniah 3

his is a love that saves and brings great joy and delight to those who receive it. and he never ceases to remind me of this through the things around me.

following this divine moment, i spent the rest of the night fixating on the obvious chalk dust mark left behind on my professors pregnant belly ;)

little town, it's a quiet village

my favorite movie ^_^

i've probably watched hundreds of movies since i first saw beauty and the beast 19 years ago (whoa dang that's a long time ago..) but very few of them ever leave an impression much like this old classic. at 6, the wee little me used to (..and maybe still does) dream to be like belle. of course king lemuel and peter both give a couple good pointers on womanliness but i'd be willing to give this movie some credit too = ]

plain and unassuming, she loves her books, her dad, and a heart that desires to do more than what this .provincial life. expects. you see throughout the movie that it is her very nature to sacrifice, to love, be joyful, peaceful and patient, kind, good and faithful, and gentle. hmm.. that sounds oddly familiar.

then somewhere along the way, she ends up locked up with a beast who has a fistful of issues he needs to work out. she gives up quite a few times of course.. she's only human after all. but through the test of living with the big fluffy monster, her character that was already so warm, caring and compassionate, is made even more loving and beautiful. plus, she gets to marry a prince in the end.

oh man.. knowing that the woman i aspire to be is a fictitious cartoon character should be a warning sign that i need to hang out with real people more. seriously considering moving out and finding roommates...

Oh! Isn't this amazing? It's my favorite part because you'll see. Here's where she meets prince charming. But she won't discover that it's him till chapter three.

if i had a big tv and blu-ray i'd probably get the movie coming out this tuesday.. hehe