It's complicated.

I'm not sure how, but maybe its time to keep a low profile for awhile.

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deer to my heart

My first pair of flannel pajama pants ever! Kind of like my first pair of rainboots, its funny that in all my 25 years of life I've never had my own pair of flannel pajama pants. This makes me very happy, if you haven't noticed.

And because things like this generally elicit further deep thinkings on my part, here are some thoughts associated with the acquisition of my new sleep pants.

Some things in life are worth the wait. If you always get what you want when you want it, there's really no anticipation, surprise or heart-pounding excitement when it finds its way into your hands. Of course waiting isn't always very fun. Admittedly, on more than one occasion something has caught my eye and channeled its way into my heart causing me to desire that particular thing for myself. (Oops, that can be dangerous.) But because of boundaries and knowing what's [not] okay to pursue, I give up.. though still slightly let down.

But why wait? Why hold out for things that could so easily be reined into my possession.. regardless whether its good or bad? It's frustrating and tiresome and turns me into a can of cheesewhiz. But maybe, if I fully set myself to understand the scope of god's power, then I'd be less inclined to wait mopingly.

Lift up your eyes and look to the heavens: who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing. Why do you say and complain, my way is hidden from the lord, my cause is disregarded by my god? Have you not heard? The lord is the everlasting god, the creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. But those who wait on the lord will gain new strength.

Of course, let's not forget to address the issue of passivity here. Waiting on god doesn't mean growing wrinkley and chunky.. haha this one I gotta work on. Proverbs 21 says the horse is made ready for the day of battle, but victory rests with the lord. I guess that's pretty self explanatory. Be prepared, be expectant, know the limitations of your strength, and then give the rest up to god.

In the case with my flannel pajamas pants, I waited. And then, one day I saw them on mega sale because it was missing a matching shirt. So I bought it. Happiness ensued.

Perhaps this may apply to other life circumstances?


on a different note, i am so easily distracted!! how in the world will i ever finish my project.. >_< in the time i should have been working on it, i went to buy shampoo, faxed some stuff at kinko's, made myself another chai tea latte, wrote to the city of sac to contest yet another parking ticket (pictures included!), and wrote this blog post. now i want to wash my hair with my new shampoo and finish reading a really good book i started last week.

siiiigh. my excuse is having to work today. i'm off for the next 2 days so here's hoping productivity will reach an all time high.

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jiminy cricket, i've got work to do!

I know I'm not being fair.
But I dunno what else to do.
These things that seem so simple always throw me out of the loop.

My brain needs to focus.

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leafy trolls and communication issues

Very recently one of my neighbors upstairs put the care of her houseplant in my hands. She's supposed to be gone for a month and expects her plant to be alive when she returns. I didn't tell her my bunny sometimes goes without water for days at a time...

Anyways, my neighbor left her plant in the bathroom next to the door, which makes it pretty easy to remind myself its need for watering. The only problem is every time I head into the bathroom at night, the thing looks like a crouching troll in the dark. It's a funny feeling when I forget that its a plant and not some creepiness waiting for me to close the door.

Haha ..why am I telling you this? I guess there are things on my mind that I can't quite put into words just yet. It's funny because word on the street says women have the advantage when it comes to verbal skills. I'm very much the opposite. Oftentimes I kick myself thinking, "of all the things you could've said, that's what came out of your mouth?!"

I'm also told that women have this special power for being nurturing. That her words can bring healing and encouragement found nowhere else. Hmm mebbe I should work on this or something.

Alright. Thanks for tuning in to another episode of my thoughts.

Goodnight!

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in haiti right now

Haiti president appeals for calm in cholera riots
Associated Press

Tuesday, Nov. 16, 2010

PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti -- Haiti's president appealed for calm amid fears that riots aimed at U.N. peacekeepers over a cholera epidemic could spread to the capital Wednesday, saying the violence has hurt efforts to fight the disease.

In a national address after health officials announced that the death toll from cholera had risen above 1,000, President Rene Preval said barricades were keeping people from getting needed care and admonished protesters that looting would not help stem the epidemic.

The U.N. canceled flights carrying 3 metric tons of soap along with other medical supplies and personnel to Cap-Haitien because of violence in Haiti's north, the U.N. Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs said. Flights were also canceled to Port-de-Paix.

Oxfam suspended water chlorination projects and the World Health Organization halted training of medical staff, the U.N. humanitarian office added in its news release. A U.N. World Food Program warehouse was looted and burned.

The capital, Port-au-Prince, was calm Tuesday but there were worries that protests could erupt in the city, which was devastated by last January's earthquake.

The Haitian government sent top officials to the north Tuesday in hopes of quelling the unrest. Haiti's police chief, the health minister and other Cabinet officials headed to Cap-Haitien, the country's second largest city, where protesters erected barricades of flaming tires and other debris and clashed with U.N. troops.

At least two demonstrators had died, one of them shot by a member of the multinational peacekeeping force that has been trying to keep order since 2004.

During a second day of rioting, local reporters said a police station was burned in Cap-Haitien and rocks were thrown at peacekeeping bases.

U.N. peacekeepers found themselves in the difficult job of quelling unrest aimed at them. The violence has combined some Haitians' long-standing resentment of the 12,000-member U.N. military mission with the internationally shared suspicion that a U.N. base could have been a source of the infection.

U.N. officials deny responsibility. The mission charged Tuesday that the protests were politically motivated to affect or disrupt national elections scheduled for Nov. 28.

The cholera outbreak that began last month has brought increased misery to the entire country, still struggling with the aftermath of the earthquake. But anger has been particularly acute in the north, where the infection is newer, health care sparse and people have died at more than twice the rate of the central region where the epidemic was first noticed.

The health ministry said Tuesday that the official death toll hit 1,034 as of Sunday. Figures are released following two days of review.

Aid workers say the government's numbers may understate the epidemic. While the health ministry says more than 16,700 people have been hospitalized nationwide, Doctors Without Borders says its clinics alone have treated at least 16,500.

Health experts have called for an independent investigation into whether Nepalese peacekeepers introduced the South Asian strain of cholera to Haiti, where no case of cholera had ever been documented before late October.

Cholera is transmitted by feces and can be all but prevented if people have access to safe drinking water and regularly wash their hands.

But sanitary conditions don't exist in much of Haiti, and the disease has spread across the countryside and to nearly all the country's major population centers, including Port-au-Prince. There are concerns it could eventually sicken hundreds of thousands of people.

these kids of articles are so hard to read. ..praying for a country that is so radically different from this little bubble i live in.

i'd rather

::mini scream::

i feel so behind in all my school work, project preparation, clinical observations, applications, everything.... biahhh unfortunately the relationship between me and my primary care physician boils down to me choosing a .nice. sounding doctor name online and having it printed on my insurance card. needless to say, i've never met her before. something tells me i don't think i'll find much luck asking her to write me a note for a few weeks of stress leave.


and then i find pictures like this one on etsy and i wonder why in the world i'm still in school and determined to go for even more. can't i just stay home and drink chai tea lattes and make unbelievably cool stuff?!?! (this thing sells for $49.. insane)

..not to mention how hard it is to stay away from my recently acquired november edition of martha stewart living.

siiiigh.. and now back to recognizing and treating delayed or failed lactogenesis II

Nooooo...

Dearest expensive acne treatment cream,

I have a wedding to attend in less than 48 hours. I know its my own fault I ate more than a few doughnuts this past week and indulged my french fries craving earlier. But this little pimple of mine cannot shine. And hiding it under a bushel of bangs does not work.

And so I'm pleading with you. Please make it go away. And maybe I will be more conscious to steer clear of all the delicious fried foods this world has to offer.

Thank you in advance.

Yours truly,
Deborah

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that's the way the cookie crumbles

whoaaaa double rainb.. fortune!!
what does it meeeeann??

following a long conversation that raised more questions than it did answering, i walked into my kitchen, found my leftover fortune cookie from saturday night's take out and thought.. hey, why not give the cookie a say. i kind of wish i didn't.

wait. back track. i'm not superstitious or kooky like that. and i don't intend to make god into some magic ball sage who speaks through small pieces of paper. i don't take decisions in my life lightly.. but then.. sometimes it helps to not take things so seriously. especially now. when it's taking everything and my warm blankets not to run outside and scream for 20 minutes.

okay. cookie. i found two fortunes in mine. translated, the first one says all things are difficult before they become easy. and the second, the flies don't enter a closed mouth.

i suppose just about anything can be applied to your current situation if you want it to, right? but i'm not gonna lie. these little printed maxims may hold some truth.

meh. somehow between graduating and moving out on my own, i've turned into a complete emo schmemo.

refocus

The first words of Genesis 1 boldly claim that we are not lost and wandering in a cosmic circle of time and chance told by an idiot. There is a compelling story that emerges from the beginning, and we have a place within it. Similarly, the writer of Hebrews describes Jesus as the author and finisher of our faith, where ultimate significance is aptly defined as being written into the story of God. God's Word places us in the timeline of a coherent history, delivering us from deception, telling us who we are, and where we came from, what is wrong with us, how we are made whole, and where we are going. We are placed within a story of which we know and celebrate the outcome, even as we wait for it through time and trial. In Christ, history's outcome—its ultimate end—is revealed. Dark days may follow, but the ending is known. It is a story neither deficient nor untrustworthy.

C.S. Lewis fittingly describes heaven at the end of his Chronicles of Narnia as a place where good things continually increase and life is an everlasting story in which "every chapter is better than the one before." His compelling reflection has often reminded me of Christ's beloved disciple in the closing chapters of his testimony to the significance of Jesus Christ. Notes John, "If all of the acts of Christ were recorded, the world would not have enough room for all the books that would be written" (John 21:24-26). Like children, eyes widen at the thought. What a story to be a part of, a life to find touching our own. -Jill Carattini 10.26.10

I had always felt life first a story: and if there is a story there is a story-teller. -GKC