cuz things are a tiny bit harder than i expected..

當你孤單的時候 不要氣餒
當你在十字路口
不要徘徊
當你難過的時候 擦乾淚水
當失望的時候
不要放棄 不要放棄

張大眼睛看 神要開路啦
打開心胸吧 神要擴張啦

緊緊抓住祂 就會有希望
所以不要放棄 不要放棄
不要放棄啊

am i living for me?

i still get a little nervous when i pull onto the on-ramp from 29th street to i-80 towards davis. within 500 feet, i need to dodge merging cars trying to get to the i-5 ramp on my right and move at least 4 lanes to the left to steer clear of traffic backup. typically, this is when i turn down my blasting music and switch on the a/c because as all my senses are focused on the road, my internal body temperature is rapidly rising.

this and my past driving record usually leads me to say a prayer that goes something like this: god, i pray that you protect me and my car on all four corners with your angels.. help me to see clearly and be calm.. also, please protect the other drivers on the road and bring us to our destination safely. and finally, don't let me run into the path of a crazy driver.

way more often than not, i arrive in one piece. praise god!

-----

tonight as i was driving back from davis, while the rain was coming down especially hard, i started to speed up on the causeway since i could tell the headlights behind me were getting closer and closer. like butter, i quickly switched lanes to pass up the car in front of me and make room between me and those headlights. soon enough, i found myself cruising through the rain at nearly 75mph (windshield wipers going at full speed). almost instinctively, i ran a quick prayer through my mind that god protect my car and bring me home safely.

that's when i stopped.

at least, i stopped myself mid-prayer. how can i pray for safety when i am consciously driving like a madman in the rain? how can i expect god to protect me when i am clearly not doing anything to save myself?? or rely on god to keep my tires turning when i am voluntarily putting myself in a potentially bad situation? it just doesn't make any sense.

and so i pulled back on the gas and humbly let the other cars pass me by.

this has gotten me thinking..

worship

set my heart on fire
let me burn with passion for your name
take over my life
i surrender all.

you are walking on water
you are calling me after
you are standing beside me now...

the beauty of christ is so amazing. not just in the things that we see.. but even more in the things that we don't see. that he would call after me and stand next to me. i don't know a whole lot of people who consider me important enough to stand by me all the time. and to think that the god of the universe wants to do just that! i'm so humbled.

this is why i raise my hands, why i smile and sing to him.

thinking about new years, world peace and dirty cars

the female portion of acacia on new year's eve. i am so blessed to know you all!


today i'd like to share with you one of my biggest dislikes. although it's not nearly comparable to things like human trafficking, unfair labor laws, and malnutrition, i do believe it deserves mention.

[regarding the aforementioned issues, this is in no way meant to diminish its significance or compare it to the silliness that i am about to disclose. i do pray for the people who are working to curb this evilness and look for ways that i can help]

speaking of evil. i hate leaf blowers. so much. there is nothing in my present situation that makes me more irritated than these backpack strapped monstrosities. let me share with you my experience:

in the midst of this wintery season, i often wake up to a world blown over with dewy beauty. as little droplets of condensation cover the grass and rooftops, i almost feel like time is standing still.. awaiting the entrance of galadriel through the clouds. (+1 point for nerd reference!!) even my car is covered in dew drops! of course this is not so convenient when i haven't mastered the art of defogging/defrosting my windows.. but i'm still in my sleep clothes so i'll worry about that later.

the only thing that can ruin this serene moment is the start-up whizzing of that stupid leafblower. strapped onto the back of a guy wearing noise-canceling earmuffs, the gardener prepares to make his way across the front yard blasting away anything that stands in his way - be it dead roach carcasses, dried up leaves, dried up dog poo, dirt... really, that's all fine. i respect the vocation of a gardener and thank god that i live in a place where i don't have to worry about maintaining the exterior of my home.

that is, until he begins leaf blowing all the crud he's collected out into the street for the wednesday afternoon street cleaning crew. you see, not having a place of my own (although currently the ideal situation for me) comes with a few set backs. one of them being not having a garage to drive into each night. that said, as mr. gardener moves his collection closer and closer to the street, he's also moving closer and closer to my parked car. still don't understand where i'm going with this? let me share with you an analogous situation:

you're in second grade. it's valentine's day and your class is working on some decorations for the classroom. where i come from, valentine's day is synonymous to glue, glitter, and construction paper of all shades of red. after you've cut out your heart, you smear glue all over the front in a very intricate pattern (or so you think). you then grab the container of glitter and madly shake it over your heart, making sure you cover the anatomically disproportionate organ completely. oh, your mom's gonna be so proud... (or so you think) making sure the glitters caught on, you turn the heart upside-down to shake off the excess glitter. ahhh you're thinking to yourself, so beautiful. ..you're also thinking, crap i have pink glitter all over my pantalones.

get it?!? my car is the cut out heart. the morning dew is the glue. mr. gardener is the overexcited little kid blowing a confetti of earth over my car. ARGHH! can you feel my irritation?

i love modern technology.. producing such things as an automatic stapler or an electric toothbrush is amazing! i've realized that we live in an age where inventions are sprung day after day to enable our laziness.. case in point, i may have shared before that my arm got sore brushing my teeth with an ordinary toothbrush when i'd left my sonicare at home for a week. this is the way we live and we have to accommodate to the changes. plus, mr. gardener needs to make a living clearing people's lawns as efficiently as possible. unfortunately for me since i don't have time to wash my car every week, i just have to stick up with driving out each day with my debris encrusted grandma-mobile. mehhh.

i guess the moral of my story is, fancy inventions come with a cost. dirty cars, atrophied arm muscles, etc... perhaps god is calling me to put behind my laziness. ^_< seems like i've just talked myself into a new year's resolution.


actually albert, our gardener is really very nice. and i love that he helped me plant my tomatoes last year :D

never a dull day.

this is my brother. he's kind of a large muscle-y booger but i rather like him.


today was quite an exhausting day. i am neither superstitious nor do i believe in numerology. but funny things happened today that i thought i'd document.

rule of 3's [i promise, no one dies]

1. i waited through 3 red lights before turning left into the arden fair/best buy parking lot. bonus: i also witnessed a 3rd finger wave as the guy in front of me couldn't make it past the yellow light. i shall like to mention that now is not a good time to venture near shopping centers.

2. i sat through 3 different free wifi locations before i finally went home with a dead laptop and unsteady hands. i've since realized that my small frame can only take so much coffee. fyi for future wifi expeditions: panera bread limits wifi access to 30 minutes during peak lunch time hours. and borders has unlimited access but no wall outlets - which is basically access dependent on the life of your battery.

3. i pulled up to 3 different gas pumps at ampm before i finally started pumping gas into my grandma-mobile. i kept getting disoriented and couldn't figure out where my gas tank was. luckily i only got out 2 out of the 3 times = ]

i happen to be a little more scatterbrained than most people.. which is why i get into messes like these. ie. leaving my keys in the lock on the wrong side of the door, finding a cereal box in the refrigerator, getting on the wrong freeway to places i've been to a hundred times, etc.. sometimes it's frustrating and a waste of time and gas.. but i thank god for these mini adventures. i love that i still find reasons to laugh at myself and even more reason to discover joy in life.


ps. to close the day, i drove around sac international airport terminal B 3 times before picking up a friend. god is good even when i leave my cell phone at home.


merry christmas my friends.

fluffy & flaky

we are all a little weird and life's a little weird and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.

i should be studying for my final.

i forgot to write what i'm thankful for during this season of.. thankfulness. wait. there's a name for that...

i'm loving my lord more and more everyday.

one year ago, i crashed my car. it was pretty freaking scary and to this day, i still get goosebumps thinking about it. a year ago, i was also pretty distraught with my life here in sac. after graduating, i never intended to stay in this city for very long.. always scouting career sites looking for a new job elsewhere. either that or trying to get away from nutrition and start fresh. radiology tech.. school teacher.. frozen yogurt cashier.. no church, no community, no work benefits, no staple chinese take-out restaurant.. i think the highlight of my life was a little bunny that kept my feet warm at night in cold, empty apartment. while i never gave up my complete reliance on god at that time and i never stopped acknowledging his presence, i also never fully trusted in his plan in my life.

today, i put my trust in god not because of where he's brought me but because of his grace and mercy for a little stinker like me. having a job, getting into a master's program (at davis of all places!), living in a house where i can wear shorts during the winter and driving an awesome rice rocket mom-car is amazing. but not as amazing as christ's love for me.


thanksgiving.