could a garden come up from this ground at all?

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

drama queen

Nearly a year ago I watched a Taiwanese sitcom that completely weirdo me out.  Sitting in my most uncomfortable borrowed wooden chair with only a threadbare IKEA pillow shielding my butt from major bruising, I watched episode after episode of my own life reflected through these fictitious characters.  Some of it was hilarious.  Other parts mirrored a brutal honesty that I'd never share with the rest of the world. 

I hesitated to admit that I shared so many commonalities with this show because that would mean my life were nothing but a drama.  What an embarrassing thing to compare myself to! 

And as any Asian sitcom goes, the series ends with happiness and the promise of a blissful future.  Cue in the tears and commissaration.  Kidding.

Most recently I watched a movie that elicited the same feelings.  I've been in that eye-roll situation.. I've said enough is enough.. I've sat through those awkward encounters.. I've felt so alone in all this..

By wait a minute.. maybe I'm not so alone after all?  Plots like these cannot just come out of someone's imagination - creative as they might be. Something strikes a chord and I think its because of how true to life their characters are portrayed.  Sure Asian dramas are a little exaggerated, but the story and the feelings are still the same.

My conclusion is that maybe I'm not so crazy as I guiltily thought.  I'm in the midst of a time in my life when things are kind of bizarre.  And maybe that's expected and even shared among other people in my boat.  And while there's headache and trauma and fun and casualties in between, I'm inclined to believe that there's good that comes in the end.  So i'm not rolling end credits just yet.

Yes, I believe life is like a movie.

right now, i am...

...sleepy because i woke up at 6:30am to get ready for church

...immensely happy because i got to play my glockenspiel with the worship team this morning

...frustrated because one side of my hair desperately needs to be manicured

...a little jealous of people who don't have to work on weekends

...grateful that i am in good health and can afford to eat cheeseburgers without guilt or remorse

...remembering that joy need not stem from present happiness

...wishing that expensive things weren't so expensive

...thankful that i can afford to live on my own with some to spare

...anxious that i cannot make out the feelings that are going on inside me into comprehensible thoughts or words

...playing music by gungor on repeat

...sad that i come to god with more requests and blame than thankfulness

...encouraged by the people who surround me who offer their lives as living examples

...discouraged by the prospect of making choices that only i can determine for myself

...excited that it's time for rainboots, umbrellas, scarves and dead leaves along the sidewalk

...wondering if maybe it'd be better if the rapture came sooner rather than later


how are you doing?

stars are born to fill the night

Standing up from crags and clay
The peaks of earth
In full display
They break the lines
That break the sky
That’s full of life
Full of life

The chaos of creation’s dance
A tapestry, a symphony
Of life himself
Of love herself
It’s written in our very skin

All praises to the one who made it all
Who made it all
All praises to the one who made it all
And finds it beautiful

Soil is spilling life to life

Stars are born
To fill the night
The ocean’s score
The majesty
Of sculpted shore
Mystery

All praises to the one who made it all
Who made it all
All praises to the one who made it all
And finds it beautiful

Fearfully and wonderfully and beautifully made

Media volume: Off

Due to extending circumstances and a busy schedule, I didn't get to go to the bathroom at work today. So first order of business after my walk home was to head straight for the small tiled room.

Thank goodness for 2 bathrooms up here cuz the first one (generally my preferred choice) was already occupied. It didn't take long though for me to pick up on a small tinkering sound streaming from the bathroom. Usually sounds don't perk up my ears as the bathroom iS a place for extraneous noises after all.

However this sound was different. As I stepped into bathroom #2, I realized that bathroom #1's occupant was busy playing what sounded like a video game! There was a distinctive background melody, the schwing! sound of a swinging sword, grunting ogre tones, etc. There's definitely a pretty epic battle going on atop the porcelain next door!

But then.. as weird as it is to have my business joined by musical accompaniment, I can't decide if I can really deem it bizarre and unconstitutional to the bill of rights one has when doing their thing.

Is it better to play with your phone in secrecy, keeping the volume muted? Or proudly showing off to your neighbors that you've completed 3 levels since you've sat down? Times are changing and smartphones and tablets are rolling out magazines and newspaper.  It just so happens that our new attractions come with volume control. What do you think?

You can see I'm feeling rather conflicted as I post this on silent mode.

decidedly rebellious.

it goes something like this:

i'm supposed to drink something warm when i'm feeling crampy.  what do i do?  go for a 16oz. cup of mr. pibb.  with ice.  twice.

i'm supposed to wear a hairnet in the kitchen.   i've chosen not to wear it defiantly after hours.  why?  i didn't blow dry my hair for 15 minutes into a poof just to let it die under the meshed hideousness.

i'm told to keep the music down in the car so as not to ruin my hearing.  except that i take "feeling the music" very literally.  plus, technology is getting pretty awesome.  hearing aids are gonna be the new ipad.

i'm wondering if these tendencies have more serious implications on my life choices than i care to admit.

Lessons from a bunny

Sometimes when I look at my bunny I think about god and how in his glory and majesty and power that has no rival, he'd create something so cute and fluffy as a bunny :)

Then.. to think that as he'd so lovingly created my bunny, he did so also, and with even more care, with me. 

And it doesn't stop there!  He loves me the way I love my bunny. (and more)  Basically this little guy has no worries in this world.  I love him, take care of him, and give him treats when he's being especially cute.  If I am to god as my bunny is to me, there's no reason to distrust, worry or fear while living under his arms.

:)

signs of the times

over these last recent years, there's been a lot of talk, secular and christian, about the end times.  usually they go unnoticed by me.. but sometimes, when the topic turns up in conversation, i realize i have nothing to say about it. the scope of my theological intelligence measures that of a peanut.  sure there are signs that can easily be doubled against biblical predictions ie. earthquakes and other such natural disasters.  but other than that, i dunno.

there are some signs that i cannot deny though.  not signs of the end times.. but signs of the holidays encroaching upon us!  let me list them to you in bullet point format.

• big spoon's latest froyo flavor is non other than Pumpkin Spice.  YOM
• my supervisors posted the holiday sign up sheet this afternoon.  and so the dilemma begins: work on a holiday and get paid bank.. or spend time with family?  >__<  bahahaha  jk.
• walking home tonight, i smelled FIREPLACE!!  or whatever you call that smokey burn chimney smell.
• i passed up my french landmarks pajama shorts tonight for my flannel moose pants :D
• water is currently rising to boiling temperature as i type, before it is poured into my mug of hot cocoa powder

you see, it is quite evident from the combination of these signs that the holidays here!  

tomorrow, i hope to put up my christmas lights..